I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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