some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
