actually, I'm a sock model
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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