stop calling my apartment porn island.
smell my finger.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
