please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
