I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
