his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
