she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
