I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
