dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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