Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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