you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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