I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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