God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
