He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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