he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm bleeding and have questions
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
