I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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