He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want nice things and good sex
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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