in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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