the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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