I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
