he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He felt like a one man threesome
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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