dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
