No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
