my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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