Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How does one acquire holy water?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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