It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
