who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
