just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
