We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
