that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
