Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
