everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
