Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
