I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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