I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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