I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
