I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
