Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
