You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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