everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
