i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
