dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
