Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize