So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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