dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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