too bad you live with your parents still
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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