just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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