So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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