Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
