Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
