she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
