i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
