He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
