I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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